JAPAN TO KILL AUSSIE WHALES

Or so the Daily Telegraph claimed on Saturday. What I want to know is, how can they tell if the whales are true-blue?

Just because they are in our waters, doesn't make them Aussie citizens does it. The Australian government's border protection policies recognise that our coastlines are the weak point in our defences against illegals, those without documentation and queue jumpers trying to cash in on our lifestyle.

The truth is, that every year about this time, we see waves of undocumented mammals lolling about off the Sydney Heads, while migrating north no doubt en route to taking advantage of the local "attractions" off the Mullumbimby heads and those in Queensland.

Sure whale watching brings in money, but are they declaring it all for tax purposes? I have to say the sight of these fat lazy sods of blubber lying about is a very poor role model for the fat lazy sods on Bondi Beach and elsewhere.

And do they even speak our language? They come here every year, but do they have any real intention to buttimilate? Last I hear, our best scientists still hadn't worked out how to communicate with them. And yet whales can apparently communicate with each other in a language we can't crack over hundreds of miles of ocean? What if they are in league with Osama and his mates. What will our loopy so called water melon style greenies think of that? People think it was Jonah that was swallowed by a whale, but I say that it was actually Gramsci, along with his mates, Adorno, Horkheimer and Walter Benjamin.

If we don't stop this latest wave of invaders from down south, who, after all, are merely choosing Australia because of its relaxed lifestyle, we could be overrun soon with cretaceans and the Australia we know and love could be swallowed as surely as the Frankfurt School.

Fran