Last night....I had a dream.....sitting in Changi rest row waiting...waiting for another couple of hours to make my last journey in this world.
HANG.2 DEC 2005Nguyen. There is no dispute that he had committed a serious crime, but to argue that he deserves rest penalty surely is out...
The warden came with the breakfast, my last meal. All my life, I ate for the energy to sustain me for the next day... There is no tomorrow for me....why waste the food.... why bother....
The Catholic priest come He was a Vietnamiese, with a sad face. He promised to send me to heaven...wonder who will go to hell....The priest had been lying to me all my life...even my last rites he lied....His prayer sounded hollow and insincere. Wanted to tell him to shut up, stop lying ...but why bother.....
My lawyer came...he wanted to talk to me...I waved him away. From day one, he knew that I will be found guilty and be hanged,... But he promised to save me, saying he is a top defence lawyer and my chances was more than good. For the fat fee, he lied to me and he failed me. I spied him smiling secretly, perhaps thinking of the fat fee....... Heard him telling Mom that he will fight the government of Singapore and make them pay......fat lot of good to me. He is worse than Singapore government.......Why bother... after I am dead and gone....
My brother came....he had tears in his eyes....Never, saw him so sad before.....Somehow, I do not feel sad, ...may be numbed and drained....I wanted to yell at him....it was he who is responsible for my rest....if he was not in debt, I would not be here....His tears melted my anger, and I felt sorry for him... ...But anger, sadness, happiness, are meaningless now....Why bother.....
My mother held my hands...she was trembling with emotions and fear..lost her voice, and cried voicelessly.....tears steaming down her cheek, ...her eyes swollen like two red balls...from crying and no sleep....she had aged years over the last months.... My heart was stabbed with pains...I felt that I have end her and will be going to hell for the pains and sufferings that I have caused her.....I begged her forgiveness.....I'll ask Buddha to be her son again in the next life......
The prison officer came...unlocked the jail.... told me it was time to go.....My mind went blank....did not understand his words.. but stood up and followed him....It is the longest journey I've travelled...farther than from Bangkok to Sydney.....While walking ...my whole life appeared before me....like fast-forward video show....my happy childhood, my migration to Australia, my schools, friends, 21st birthday, my first girl friend....happy times, unhappy times ....flew by before me.....I asked ...what is the meaning of my life....I've come to the end now....All seem so, so unimportant, wealth, happiness seem meaningless...
I felt a hood over my head......I cannot breath......
Bad boy.
