single parentnever married Sender: Gill Palmer 1567

Dear Denise

Since posting this, I have had a PM from somebody who asks not to be identified or quoted publicly, for reasons which I do not feel able to explain, because a lot of the help on this forum is given privately, one to another, and one must respect people's wishes for confidentiality if asked for.

Suffice to say that my informant has come up with some good points. I am told that fathers may not have 'responsibility' but that they may have 'rights' nevertheless, and that the UK Court will not ride roughshod over those 'rights'. This being the case, I am advised that rather than doing anything which your ex or the Court might view as being hostile on your part towards him and his 'rights,' it would be a lot safer if you can coax him into coming on-side with you about what is best for your joint children.

I am told that you are going to have to get your ex's consent in order for you to be able to remove the children from the jurisdiction, because I am told that DIMIA will not tolerate anything else except a Court Order in your own favour. If you were to apply for such an Order and he were to resist you, I gather that it could involve very serious delays, very considerable expense, and anguish all round.

So the ideal solution appears to be to request his consent and hope that he will agree that a new life in Australia might well be best for the kids, that there could still be plenty of contact between him and the kids if he and they both want it, perhaps the chance for him to visit them in Australia and so forth. Get him on side, in other words, and get his consent, without which things could become very difficult indeed.

We are talking about tactics here, and trying to plan them in advance for you and with you, if you like.

My informant is telling me that you should arrange to see a Family Law solicitor quickly, which is what I said at the outset as well, and put your cards on the table with him and her. Anecdotally, from people without relevant qualifications (including JAJ) you are hearing two different ideas about which way to play it. Your soliciror will come down firmly in one direction or the other, I feel sure, and if your instinct is that you can trust your solicitor, then you should handle the issue in whatever way he or she recommends.

I hope that your ex will turn out not to be interested in his children's futures (so many are not) and that he will say, "Do as you please and I'll sign whatever you want me to sign." If so, that would be the end of the problem.

If he should decide to be bloody-minded, then it is as well for you if you are playing off the front foot instead of off the back foot, by getting solid legal advice under your belt before you say anything to him, particularly with regard to how to play the tactical game vis-a-vis him.

On an on-line forum like this, it is inevitable that anyone asking a question is going to receive conflicting and, in essence, inexpert advice. Even a solicitor instructed by you would need to obtain much more information from you than you have chosen to reveal in your post before he-she could give you accurate legal advice.

Basically, if you think your ex might be difficult, then you need detailed legal advice sooner rather than later, tailor-made to suit all the facts which you have not chosen to reveal to the public at large. I wouldn't do so either. This sort of website provides a place where (hopefully) reasonably well-informed, common-sense debate can take place, but really no more than that. Where the situation is not completely clear cut, which yours isn't, it is much wiser to take expert professional advice before you do anything else, which I hope you will now do.

Lol

Gill xx

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