Dear Denise
I reckon you probably sent this post whilst I was hearing from others behind the scenes and figuring out how best to present things to you.
You are on the right track, lbuttie. Get the legal advice first. Then, I suggest, be seen to "consult" the ex rather than to "confront" him. We now know that you do acknowledge him as the children's father, that he does see them regularly, and if he isn't coughing up towards their maintenance as well then he should be, in my personal opinion.
So when we talk about him not having 'parental responsibility' it sounds to me as if we are talking about things like operations and such-like. It happened to a neighbour of mine recently. Dave's 14 year old son lives with him, but goes to stay with his mother fairly frequently. Recently, while Jack was with his Mum, he fell out of a tree and broke both arms. I gather from Dave that one of his arms will not set properly,and he will have reduced mobility in his wrist, unless the bones are pinned into place, according to the medics. Doing that would have involved a general anaesthetic and Jack spending at least one night in hospital. Jack kicked up such a fuss, burst into tears etc that his mother decided to give in to the child. Dave is hopping mad because he believes that Jack's Mum should have ignored the fuss and told the doctors to get on with it. However, she gave in to the child and refused consent for the op. Dave consulted a local solicitor, but was told he could not overrule Mum because although he is the named father, and indeed Jack lives with him, Dave was never married to Jack's mother and therefore he cannot overrule her about this, so the solicitor told Dave and Dave told me.
However, a kid with a gammy arm is not the same thing as a kid on the other side of the planet, obviously, and short of your children's father moving to Australia as well, the Saturday visits would obviously cease. Whether that is really in the children's best interests is not for me to say.
However, I am now more convinced than ever that you do need really solid legal advice and I am hugely relieved that you have decided to get it.
Lots of love, chin up and PM me whenever you wish, honey. I can't do the legal bit for you, but I can definitely provide you with moral support & encouragement, and I would be interested to hear what happens next and the eventual outcome.
Stay chirpy
Gill xx
--
