HUMOR New Drugs for Women

D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours

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E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait 'til they moved out.

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ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

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P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

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D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

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F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

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M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"

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B U Y A G R A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

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J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

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A N T I - T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

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N A G A M E N T When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.