SLop enters stage right holding her recipe box and a can of refried black beans. Apparently Miss Sandie "redecorates" that infernal recipe box of hers every week to match the theme. Did I mention it appears to be completely empty? This week, it has a serapi which matches SLop's blouse and curtains. As she rattles off this week's menu, she exclaims "Cocktail Time is going to be early this week with my margarita chicken!". Alcoholism, yay!
She begins by making something she made once before in an earlier episode, but I think it was called "Taco pizza" at the time. She puts two cans of beans into a bowl and adds an infinitesimal amount of chili powder to spice it up, warning us that it's very hot. Just like green bell peppers, I bet. She adds that the favour "will bubble right into it", whatever that means. Still believing the old wives' tale about plastic in the microwave, SLop warns us sternly not to do it and uses a wet paper towel to cover the bowl. She cooks some ground beef and spices it with a couple tablespoons of chili powder, telling us that we can use any kind of seasoning packet if we wished. SLop says that in lieu of flour tortillas, she's going to use a "herb wrap", but the package clearly is labelled "tortillas"! She grills it on a griddle so it gets crunchy because it won't in an oven. She then grabs a tomato and begins to slice it in her retarded "slice an inch from each side" method when suddenly it is beautifully sliced (thanks to MV!) for SLop to try to cube. She flips the tortillas, mentioning how pretty the grill marks are. SLop has relinquished her Almond Council spokesman spot for one with Reynolds Aluminum because she repeats the bits from those "Patty and Velma" ads about how using foil helps with cleanup and keeps the food from sticking to the sheet. While SLop retrieves the fecal-looking beans from the microwave, she tells us that she loves these so much that she eats them all the time, even with her eggs at breakfast and how it reminds her of all those vacations she took with The Wallet in Mexico. She buttembles the pizzas and as we bop out to commercial break, she threatens us with more of her concoctions.
When we return from commercial break, SLop is entering stage left clutching a partial bottle of tequila she got from her bar, asking us "What's a Mexican dinner without tequila?". Oh boy! SLop makes a sauce for the pizza by mixing salsa and sour cream, singing the praises of salsa for being cheap and having all sorts if flavours. She describes the sauce as "salmon", but it looks pink to me. She puts the sauce into a side dish, accompanied by one with lettuce and a third with tomatoes instead of putting them onto the pizza for some bizarre reason. With entirely excessive glee, SLop announces that the margarita chicken is next but regains her composure so she can finish the pizzas by topping them with cheese, lettuce, tomato, and sauce. So why did she bother to make those bowls of pizza toppings anyway? She mulches some cilantro and puts a "spurt" of them onto the pizza, claiming how fresh and delicious it smells. By "spurt", I guess she's talking about what is expelled from her dog on the lawn every morning. That chore out of the way, she begins to make the margarita chicken by marinating chicken breast in a glad bag containing frozen lemonade concentrate, tequila, mulched cilantro, and some poultry seasoning, advising us to put that in a bowl in case the glad bag leaks. In an attempt to avoid the whole "Me washie handsies!" confusion, she now uses tongs to handle raw meat. Once again, she tells us how great aluminum foil is for baking because it makes cleanup so much easier. As we bop out to commercial break, she tells us about her "groucho beans".
For the Weight Watchers: PastitsioIt seemed kind odd with a meat sauce and cheese sauce, but knew this would be right up my son's alley and I could enjoy it too. I made this Friday night and...
When we return from commercial break, SLop enters stage right holding a container of Bacos ú and lime curd. She tells us that lime curd is just like lemon curd before straining two cans of pinto beans and discarding the juice. She heats the beans in a pan and adds a can of tomatoes and green chilies, followed by a smaller can of green chilies, declaring it "Yummy Yummy Yummy!". She then adds the Bacos ú, describing them as "real bacon bits", some mulched cilantro, and a bottle of Mexican beer (to match the theme, of course) and lets it simmer. For the mini lime cheesecakes, SLOP mixes cream cheese, sugar, and lime curd and pipes them into individual tart crusts with a glad bag. She tells us that because they contain no eggs they don't need to be cooked, so she leaves them in the freezer until they get cold. I am sure that would result in it being frozen solid and full of nasty ice crystals. For some bizarre reason she then attempts to tell us a bit of cheese cake trivia: The first documented case of someone eating cheesecake was in 776 AD at the Olympics. For some reason, she thinks telling people this will impress them for some reason, but it makes her look like an idiot. She retrieves the chicken, reminding us about all the "yummy yummy" flavours in it and plates it, using sliced limes as a garnish. She tops the pies with incognito Cool Whip ú that she embellished with tequila. Just kiddin'. She used lime extract this time. As we bop out to commercial break, she tells us cocktail time is next!
When we return from commercial, SLop enters stage left and giddily announces "It's cocktail time! Best time of the day!", but sadly, there is no accompanying pop-up graphic. She makes this weeks drink in what appears to be a lop-sided pitcher that she describes as "festive", consisting of cranberry juice, tequila, and a splash of bottled lime juice. Her choking hazard this week is a lime slice. Hmm, wonder why she didn't juice the rest of the limes for the drink? Clutching one of the mocktails, she staggers to her tablescape a couple feet away. Yikes! It appears SLop has bought out South of the Border's gift shop for this one. She used a serapi for a tablecloth and for the centerpiece, draped a serapi with a different pattern over a bowl with a green grbutt hat on top, and for party favours, she took cubic votives and stuck small succulent cacti in them.
-- WARNING!!! Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget, standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We buttume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the "food" or being exposed to crapbutt tablescapes. And no, we're not sure where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
