Smelly food

Gregoire Kretz

It depends on the office.

I used to get glares all round from dieting ladies in the the health board office nibbling a cottage cheese crispbread when I took in *two* burger king meal bags. Sometimes tempting can be bad.

I was also banned from eating chocolate in the (dental officer's) office on the grounds that it was bad for teeth.

I was also banned from heating tinned curry in the microwave ... it was okay at lunchtime but not the next morning.

If you also have a fridge to keep things cool I would suggest you take in some chopped veggies and a rabbit. Skin, gut, and joint the rabbit at your desk (or even better, ask to borrow a colleage's desk without saying why) , and you should end up with a microwaveable rabbit cbutterole.

A more devious plan might be to stay behind until the culprits have left, then raid their bins and drop theirfood detritus into their keyboards so their computers stop working, and on the floor under their desk so the cleaners complain, and they get into trouble with the boss.

An even more devious plan would be to rub the rabbit guts on the clean cutlery in the drawer, so that people would get food poisoining and blame their office cookery exploits, which would be banned under elfin safetee.

A more civilised plan might be to find a delicatessen that does office delivery.

Owain