Was: French Fattys, Now: Carr's of Carlisle

Greetings, All!

Was searching for a vehicle to make a food-related request about Carr's crackers-biscuits and found this NG. Thought it might be appropriate, but after perusing, perhaps, perhaps not. However, it appears that contributors have some fun on it, so I'll turn what might be a short, simple request into kind of a rant. Wait, let me get my righteous indignation up! Ok, there...

Background: Was buying Carr's crackers here in the USA for many, many years. Loved 'em. Absolutely loved 'em, the best on the planet, no peers (and I've tried a lot of others!). Ate 'em every single day. Was buying what was called the "buttorted Crackers for Cheese," approx. 7 oz. box (200 grams, for you metric folks). My sense was that the crackers were all a variation of the Table Water recipe, but in different shapes and textures, lending each a distinctive reaction in the mouth, perfect for pairing with cheese and wine.

About a year ago, they disappeared from the shelves of grocers here in NYC for about 3 weeks. What gives, I wondered?! Then, another buttortment came out, by the same name, but different crackers. Might be called savory, they were flavored, like one with rosemary, another whole wheat, another graham, all with a tinge of sweetness and the same texture. Awful. I sadly quit buying them and emailed the producer my concerns, to no reply.

Then, after a couple more months, the buttortment was changed again, kind of a mix between the two former, yet still unsatisfactory to me. Seems like the water crackers are even an altered recipe. So, from about 4 boxes a week, I've only maybe bought 4 this whole past year. Very disappointing.

Corporate malfeasance: Michel, help me out here. In the 1980s, venture capitalism was rampant in the US, and very noticed. Folks were upset with the Japanese, who seemed to be buying up everything, although by and away the largest foreign owner of US businesses was Britain. The past decade has seen a venture captialism much greater than the 2 decades previous, and on a more global scale, although seemingly unnoticed, or uncommented upon.

In the 80s, United Biscuits of the US became Keebler, then Kraft bought them in the 90s. They manufactured Carr's. Correspondingly, United Biscuits of Britain bought Carr's and then Kraft bought them. Just last month, Kraft bought a number of biscuit companies in Spain.

Land o'Goshen! The tentacles of American Corporate Imperialism, bent upon incidiously distorting the eating habits of unsuspecting innocents worldwide, are infiltrating by a domino effect - first, Britain, then France, now Spain. No doubt they are also the worst transgressors using trans-fats!

Did Kraft change its formula for "Carr's buttorted" here in the US by conducting a market study of consumer preferences, and simply responded to consumer tastes and demand? Was it a legitimate response? But, were consumer preferences already jaded by years of corporate taste shaping? Were consumer's tastes already bastardized? Or, was Kraft initiating brand new taste change, manipulating consumers into accepting its latest version of cracker trendiness?

Wait a Minute: Oh-Oh, I just thought - I may be wrong about my opinion that the buttortment that I loved was cracker heaven, that it appealed to those with discriminating taste. Here I thought that by changing the shape, texture, thickness, etc. of a single recipe, some crackers dense, some feathery light, and so on, was brilliant, appealing to a true connoisseur, and the stuff of real, sophisticated Britain, certainly of the ages, perhaps as original as far back as Bodecia. Americans could never come up with anything so clever or good.

But, hmmm, it's been long said that American taste runs to the dry and bland. Perhaps making all those crackers similar to the basic Water cracker was tantamount to drinking simple, dry, tasteless vodka, was American manipulation of the marketplace, and these new, flavored buttortments are really the paean to world tastes. All the websearching that I did on UK websites for replacement crackers-biscuits reveal orange and ginger and chocolate and all kinds of spiced crackers-biscuits, only the simple water cracker as the lone whitebread holdout, nothing even coming close to the buttortment that I liked in the US last year. Wow, what's that about?! Has American Imperialism moved faster than I thought?

The final analysis: Who cares about all that stuff. I just want my old crackers back, waaaah!! Please, anyone, do you know of, do you have, a source, a replacement, a subsbreastute, a new recommendation for crackers like the ones that I described? Do any of you remember last year's buttortment of which I speak? Where, o where, can I find some?

Thanks in advance, Mark