Biggest laugh i've had in ages

Careful and accurate analysis, apart from the fact that one player has contributed to a successful side doing well in the league and one has contributed to a shower of pooe who may still go down despite hammering the worst side in the premiership 1-0 in injury time. after being outplayed.

Beattie Vs Morientes Lozzie Yesterday As many of us know, the older one gets, the quicker the time pbuttes. Yes, it really has been a year since Everton splashed out mucho dinero on a new centre forward, James Beattie.

There's no need for me to bleat on about how he struggled in his first half season. We all remember the endless run of injuries, not to mention that "watch me smash the back of your skull, Gallas" head-butt. Struggle, he most certainly did. But thankfully, with a nice little run under his (considerable) belt, confidence is returning - and with it form.

The last few matches have seen Beattie run himself ragged - charging for lost causes, helping out in defence, harrying opponents and tackling hard. It's dawning on him that to many Evertonians, the beauty's in the effort (although some silky skills wouldn't go amiss from time to time, God damnit).

As the title of this article suggests, there is a way in which Beattie's season with the mighty Blues can be analysed. Step forward Fernando Morientes - a striker similar to Beats in attributes and transfer fee. He and Beattie are both considered "target men". Both excellent headers of the ball, clinical in the box and both capable of striking the ball powerfully.

At the time, eyebrows were raised when Morientes was bought for a fraction less than Beattie. After all, this is a man who had played for Real Madrid, a winner of a shed load of silverware and a player of undoubted European pedigree. Why, we wondered, have we spent more money on a player with a less prestigious career-history?

Morientes Transfer fee: £6.3 Million. Current age: 29

Beattie Transfer fee: £6 - 6.5 Million Current age: 27

So, the figures for season 2005-6, are as follows:

Morientes Total Appearances: 13 Total Minutes Played: 845 League Goals: 3 Avg Mins Played-Goal Scored: 282

Beattie Total Appearances: 16 Total Minutes Played: 1214 League Goals: 5 Avg Mins Played-Goal Scored: 242.8

Ok, so these are "Grosso Modo" statistics. They don't take into account pbuttes made-completed, fouls committed, offsides, etc... Nor do they put either player in a very good light. 1 goal in every 3 games can hardly be considered prolific.

However, the purpose of this article is not to compare them to the country's leading strikers, but to compare them to each other. We can therefore conclude that despite the Liverpool striker's famed predatory skills, Beattie is actually leading the race this season.

- Beattie requires around 40 fewer minutes to score, a gap which could have been even wider had his perfectly legal goal stood against Liverpool last week.

- Beattie has managed to play 369 more minutes this season.

- Beattie is playing for a side that is unable to provide him with as many scoring opportunities at this point in time. This would, in theory, lead us to buttume that Beattie has scored more from fewer chances. Speculative, I know, but not beyond the realms of logic.

- Beattie is nearly 2 years younger than Morientes.

So in conclusion, we have a younger player who is scoring more frequently than Morientes. His play is improving by the week as his fitness finds its natural levels and, as we have witnessed recently, his "never say die" attitude is fast becoming one of his most pleasing traits. Following Beattie's acquisition, David Moyes has had to defend his forward's huge fee. £6.5 Million represented Everton's highest ever financial outlay for one player and some still remain unconvinced. Nevertheless, on the evidence provided above coupled with the evidence Evertonians will have verified with their own eyes, it is pleasing to say that from this biased Evertonian's point of view, Beattie has been more of a success than Morientes this season - and is starting to perform in a manner closely justifying the extravagant fee we payed for him.