How did he perform last night?
After years of training and practice I can now pooe perfectly shaped pooes, blunt at one end tapered at the other, (I have been told that this stops the anus from closing with a bang. Evolution again. Closing with a bang would have been a dead give away to predators!!), 9 to 12 inchers in length with a girth of 3inches without 'em touching the cheeks of my arse. Not only that but my eyes no longer water nor do they sink into the back of my head as the poo pulls away, my ears no longer pop, and I don't feel it tear away from my inside and my arse no longer gets frayed at the end . Its not perfect yet. I still have to use my rectal sphincter muscles to control the thickness and shape so that my rectum does not get badly stretched and I still feel it pull away from the back of my throat(!). Another thing skid marks no longer appear. That's a bonus! The only annoying problems I have occur after I have eaten pop corn. On the way out it feels like little razor blades and pins. Also the pooe is not so well shaped. The other is the colour. It sometimes appears quite black. I put this down to what I am drinking at the weekend.
I have lately been informed of a gentleman who can pbutt lengths of pooe shapped like guitars, violins, the head of Elvis but is having difficulty trying to do them in the shape HRH Prince of Wales...its his ears. That seems to be the sticking problem. He has not, to my knowledge, explained how he achieves this. I would like to know.
In the interests of perfection I would be interested in any advice given.
