Craig Bellamy's transfer to Liverpool almost didn't happen today when during a medical it was discovered that he didn't possess a neck. Liverpool FC medical staff spent over an hour inspecting his upper body for traces of a neck before finally realising that his head appeared to be connected directly to his shoulders.
Rafa Benitez commented 'We haf agreed to sign Bellamy, and are paying many pesetas for him, I think we should get a neck included in ze price!"
Bellamy's agents denied that they were trying to sell the player but hang on to his neck, and produced several photos of Bellamy at various stages of his career to prove that he has in fact never owned a neck.
Liverpool's senior doctor, Harold Gloryhunter, finally solved the mystery of the missing neck by using dental floss between Bellamy's head and shoulders and discovered that there actually is a neck there, however it is too small to be seen by the human eye.
Benitez finally agreed to let the transfer go through and said 'Ok, he ees a bit of a freak, but so ees Crouch so at least ze forward line is now balanced.'
Earlier this year Liverpool FC signed a lucrative contract with several high street clothing stores for Liverpool players to promote their goods, it is believed however that following Bellamy's signing, Tie Rack have today withdrawn their sponsorship.
Bernie The Bolt -- 'Blue shirts good, red shirts bad' - George Orwell
