Liverpool's New Shirt Sponsor

Reuters - Tuesday 14th June

Liverpool FC's Chief Executive Rick Parry confirmed today that they are currently talking to a major organisation with a view to shirt sponsorship following Carlsberg's decision not to renew their current shirt deal. It appears that Liverpool's 'cap in hand' request to UEFA to be allowed to enter the European Champions League qualifiers, even though they didn't qualify, isn't something that the bosses at Carlsberg want to be buttociated with.

Undeterred, Parry has already thrashed out a new 'in principle' deal with 'The Big Issue' who are keen to have the name of their magazine emblazoned upon Liverpool's shirts. Big Issue Editor Brian McCarthy said today 'Here at The Big Issue' we consider begging not to be something to be ashamed at. The way Liverpool begged UEFA to let them into The Champions League we believe will set a great example to the tramps who sell our magazine. Unlike Carlsberg, we want to be buttociated with a club who have no shame and will stoop to low levels. If our Big Issue sellers adopted Liverpool FC's way of thinking they'd sell more magazines and would be able to enjoy many more bottles of Special Brew.'

The 2 year deal is reputedly worth £200,000 per year and will also involve an exchange deal whereby Big Issue sellers will sell Liverpool match day programmes in Liverpool City Centre. The top 5 sellers each week will be invited to the next home game and will be guests of the club in the players' lounge. When Parry was asked whether the smell of piss might be a problem he replied 'Well the tramps will only be here for two hours, they'll just have to put up with it.'

Bernie The Bolt

-

Liverpool FC - The first team in the history of the European Cup-Champions League to have 'qualified' by whinging!