04 August 2005
Guardian Unlimited's tea-time take on the world of football guardian.co.uk-football
The return of the neville diariesFarewell Phil: The Neville Diaries Thursday August 04 2005 How excited is Gary about Silly Billy Philly leaving the club? Well, at least until he tries to give someone else a Chinese burn. We...
In today's Fiver: Praise Or Criticism
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NEVILLE BROTHER
Morientes facing Kop chop claimsLiverpool are ready to listen to offers for striker Fernando Morientes this summer - that's the latest suggestion doing the rounds today. Now before you start wittering on, note that this report does not say anything...
Search hard enough on Everton's sticky Toffee website, www.evertonfc.com, and you'll find a section devoted to fan complaints in which chief executive Keith Wyness boasts of the club's "long and proud tradition of attempting to deal swiftly and professionally with those supporters who make contact with their club, be they delivering praise or criticism."
Mr Wyness is clearly a man of his word - while there's no mention of the fiasco that ensued when the self-styled "people's club" put tickets for their forthcoming Big Cup qualifier against Villarreal on general sale, the boardroom suits have moved swiftly to appease hordes of aggrieved, snarling and long-suffering season ticket-holders by signing the younger of Fiver comedy favourites the Chuckle Brothers from Premiership sleeping giants, the Trafford Park Glazerballs.
Top 20 Hardest FootballersFour former Reds have been named in a 'Top 20 Hardest Footballers Of All-time' survey compiled by alcopop WKD. 2500 fans...
His name? Phil Neville.
Reaction on buttorted Everton message boards has been as ambivalent as you'd expect for football news that's about as exciting as hearing that a nutter has phoned Spooney on 606 or Garth Crooks has asked somebody a long question. Most fans think he'll do a job for them, a few aren't happy about handing the MU Rowdies back "GBP3.5m of their Shrek money", while a few more would rather David Moyes had given soul crooner Aaron Neville a five-year deal than have anything to do with a blood relative of Everton fans' favourite Gary.
However, one man who was certain he'd signed wisely was Moyes himself, who was positively bug-eyed in his enthusiasm: "Phil is a quality footballer who will, I feel certain, improve and enhance the squad we are putting together. He is very much a professional's professional and I am very happy to have signed him," he och-ayed, failing to mention that even if his new acquisition turns out to be (Fiver closes eyes and counts on fingers for several minutes) twice as useless as James Beattie, vindication will still be his.
